009. On Letting Go

(n): a sense of fluidity between your body and mind, where you are totally absorbed by and deeply focused on something, beyond the point of distraction.

What an adventure it’s been. A true adventure of a lifetime. One that I wish everyone has the chance of experiencing because of the joy it has brought me. We’ve been to 21 different states, driven 15,000 miles, 14 National Parks and countless campsites. It feels like a blink of an eye. I just see frames of memories and can’t believe I had the opportunity to do this. 

We were somewhere in Montana, determined to keep the train going for as long as we could, but we both knew what the other wasn’t ready to admit to themselves. That we were exhausted - not the same kind of drained you get when you work long hours - but the kind of tired you feel when you’ve had an incredible journey. I’m lucky to have a partner that compliments me in that way. That can cut through my deeply stubborn nature and allow me to see something I wasn’t seeing for myself. That I was tired, and needed a breather from all the moving around.

This journey is difficult to put into words. It had its highs and lows, and frustrations. It reminded me of who I am, it tested me, it showed me the power I have within myself, and it pushed my boundaries. It made me stronger, it made me appreciate every single moment, every single simple activity, every single meal, every single hike, every single smiling human I encountered along the way. A journey that will never be forgotten.

All of the feels. All of the emotions. Everything everywhere all at once. If you’ve ever seen that movie, you’ll understand what I mean. I never thought I would have the ability to see all of my emotions, all of the things I’m feeling, all at once, like a cocktail with so many different ingredients happening at once. It’s been everything, and I’m feeling all the feels. I’m finding myself mourning the end of a chapter, but not with sadness, with extreme fondness. A chapter that made me feel alive. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. 

Moving every 3-5 days for 6 months and living on the road, has been both exhilarating and tiring. It had been both adventurous but also sometimes a little bit too much. It has felt like the height of being alive, and the weight of uncertainty on what lies ahead. It was a time of growth - rewarding, but not easy. It was rich in experience  - some light, some trying, but all part of the same story. 

Hence - everything everywhere all at once. 

Making the decision to take a break and head back East for the rest of the summer to catch our breath was not an easy one, but it was the right one. I’ve had feelings of both sadness and excitement and have learnt the great lesson that many emotions can all exist at once. And, that it’s important to feel them all, not shut them off or put them in a box. And that’s what I’m doing. Riding the wave and not tensing up. 

I literally have no idea what we’re going to do now. Am I going to go back to the rat race? Find a job somewhere that’s easy for me? Or do I do what I can to pivot into something that I’ve been craving all along. Something more heart centered, with meaning. The amount of questions going through my head is a signal that I need to slow down. Take a breather. Right now, that means staying put until the path becomes clearer. And it will become clearer. It means catching up with old friends and re-connecting with my community. It means spending time discovering new opportunities.

And that’s been the best lesson of it all. Step by step, day by day, no need to stress about the future because life will eventually take you on the adventure you never would have even dreamt or anticipated. You know why? Because it inherently has your back.  It inherently wants you to succeed. It inherently wants you to be the best version of yourself and it will inherently test your limits and challenge your beliefs. All with the goal of helping you grow.

It’s all part of the beautiful symphony of life. So don’t make it hard on yourself. It’s a lot simpler actually. Let go of the need to have the answers. Alan Watts said “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it. Move with it, and join the dance”. 

Many ancient philosophies and religions have spoken of this truth. Buddhism speaks of impermanence, and that letting go, means recognizing that nothing is fixed and that you only lose what you cling to. Taoism speaks of Wu Wei, effortless action by living the way of the Tao and not forcing things. Flowing like water, adaptable and receptive. While many indigenous cultures speak of flowing with life, its seasons and rhythms - birth, growth, decay, and rebirth, the cyclical nature of all that is.

So here’s to letting go and dancing with life.

We spent the rest of the trip between Washington, Montana, Wyoming, and South Dakota which I will reflect on in coming newsletters as they all had their own unique energies. 

Since I mentioned Everything Everywhere All at Once consistently throughout this newsletter, I want to make sure I do a small shout out to those who still haven’t seen the movie.

When it came out, this movie was one of few that really moved me in a significant way. It taught me to appreciate every single moment and love the life I live, even if it can be challenging.