- the flow state
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- 005. On Self-Doubt
(n): a sense of fluidity between your body and mind, where you are totally absorbed by and deeply focused on something, beyond the point of distraction.
Inner Vibes 💌
Journal entry of a girl trying to find flow in the universe 🌍️
It’s been a second since you’ve heard from me. I bet you thought I was done with this newsletter - think again. I’ve changed my life 180 degrees, give me a break ok 😛 (I’m mostly telling this to myself so I remember not to be so hard on myself for not writing).
A LOT has happened, both internally and externally. Themes have been utter expansion, exploration, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, movement, interesting characters, and learning more about my husband in 5 weeks than I have in 5 years.
Image of us bugging each other (there’s literally no one else around)
With us on the road, I feel as though this experience is holding up the biggest mirror into my soul, showing me the areas where I need to take a hard look. Not in a negative way, but an extremely positive one. In a way, my wish has come true. My wish to go on an adventure and test myself to grow, learn and remember who I am. This was never supposed to be easy, I knew that going into it. But I feel shaken to my core and learning to live life completely differently than I have been for the last 36 years which can be deeply unsettling but also extremely fulfilling.
Oh the paradox of life 😅.
Going into uncertainty has been the hardest. The fear that I don’t know what a month from now will look like let alone a day. Every day is different and the Taurus in me does not like that. It needs stability and routine to feel safe. When you’re uncertain about your future, and your logical side is trying to make sense of what’s going on to find the pattern so it can feel safe, weird energies start to show up that throw you off. Energies that live deep inside that haven’t acknowledged for years.
In my case, this translates to extreme doubt, and more specifically for me, self-doubt. I started to notice that I was constantly questioning myself and my ability to handle uncertain situations. What if I’m not able to do this? What if we run out of money? What if I don’t work on my skillsets enough with my free time? What if something happens to one of us? What if the wind blows our camper over (kept me up all night one night)?
What if, what if, what if started driving me crazy!
Where did this come from and why do I have such utter lack of confidence in my ability to survive? Haven’t I done pretty well so far? So what if these things happen? So what if I encounter difficulties, isn’t that the mystery of life? There are no certainties, nothing is ever set in stone, we all know this. Even when our logical brains try to see the patterns in order to make sense of the all the potential possibilities that might arise we will NEVER know.
Getting comfortable in that state, WOW. It’s been a really tough pill to swallow. I always had the illusion of certainty with a full time job, apartment, and routine life. This feels different. Not bad, just different.
The fact that my fear of uncertainty manifests so hard as self-doubt is a pretty deep wound that will likely take years to unravel but I understood the one thing I knew I had to do in this moment - trust and remember who I am. Remember my courage, my strength and most importantly, remember that I am a warrior and creator. I can handle any situation that comes my way and manifest anything I want. Utter trust in myself and the unknown.
I don’t know how long this journey will last for us and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that I’m a badass bitch that’s as powerful as they come. And if I have to wake up every morning to remind myself of that, write mantras and lists, breathe, sing and shine my light as bright as I can so the pattern of self-doubt can be broken, then so be it.
Contemplations:
🧿 Do you have a fear of uncertainty?
🧿 If so, how does your fear manifest?
🧿 What are small things you can do in your everyday life that remind you of your power?
Wanderlust Gems 🏞️
Inspiring humans, art, history, nature, adventures and new discoveries 🚀
WOW, is all I can say about this journey we’re on. We’ve driven 4,468 miles through 10 states over the course of the last 7 weeks and to say that I’ve been fully immersed in it is an understatement. It feels like everything outside of us doesn’t exist which is both a blessing and a curse. I have countless people to call back and emails to write but I’m in so much awe of everything happening around me that it’s been hard to focus on anything else.
I’ve already learnt so much history and culture but I also learnt that not all states are created equal and there are some places where the energy can feel so dense it effects you for days after you leave. I will leave the names of those places out of here because, to each his own 🙂 but I’m excited to share a glimpse below into what the last 7 weeks have been like for us.
Luray, Virginia - Google List HERE
We first stayed outside of one of our friends houses and explored the Luray Caverns. I liked Virginia, good vibes and amazing scenery. I would go back to explore the Blue Ridge Mountains in the spring/summer.
Luray Caverns
Elksville, North Carolina
We got so lucky with our first campground. We stayed here for a few days to get comfortable with living in our camper, de-winterize it, and make sure everything worked properly (pro tip - check before you buy, we took a risk because it was below freezing and difficult to run all the appliances but luckily it it paid off and everything worked well). We had the whole place to ourselves and it was the perfect stop to ease into the journey.
Toccoa, Georgia - Google List HERE
North Georgia was 10/10. All I can say is waterfalls waterfalls waterfalls! I couldn’t capture all of them in the newsletter but truly some of the most breathtaking views, kindest people, and yummy BBQ. I could see myself going back and staying for an extended period of time. This is the state that surprised me the most out of all of them.
Shreveport, Louisiana - Google List HERE
We did a few days in Shreveport where we started to get a real taste of the southern life, explored the history of Bonnie & Clyde (another badass bitch), and went to an art museum.
Bonnie & Clyde Ambush Museum
Dallas - Fort Worth, Texas- Google List HERE
Tacos, BBQ and city exploration. My husband started a Youtube Channel and documented our stay in Forth Worth (more videos coming soon), so you can get a good sense of what we got up to HERE. We really liked the Dalas-Fort Worth area, there was a ton to do and lots to eat.
Stockyard Station, Fort Worth Water Gardens
Velvet Taco, Terry’s BBQ, and Che’f Tacos
I’m going to end this edition with Texas because New Mexico has breathed new life into us - the land of enchantment so they call it - that it deserves it’s own newsletter and focus.
So with that, stay tuned for the next one! We’re off to The Petrified Forest, Monument Valley, Zion National Park, The Grand Canyon and Sedona for the next leg 🚗 so I may be slow to write, but I promise you I am fully living this incredible thing we call life and loving every minute of it ✨ 🌟 ✨
High Resonance ✨
A song, podcast, author, movie, or book to keep you feeling that high resonance ✌️
I’ve been diving into the book Women who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes who is a Carl Jung student of thought. It’s been the perfect read as I go on this journey and has helped me re-connect with the “wild woman” archetype that lives within all of us (even men). It weaves myths, fairytales, and folk tales to tell the story of the female psyche. HIGHLY recommend.
Until next time! 👋
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