004. On Patience

Inner Vibes 💌 

Journal entry of a girl trying to find flow in the universe 🌍️ 

Looking back after 6 airplane rides, 4 countries, and 2.5 months of travel. I can’t say I’m the same person. It’s crazy to think that so much can change in such a short time.

There was always a question of whether or not we’d keep traveling international but after landing back in the US, it gave me a sense of comfort that I so desperately needed. Not only did stepping outside of my comfort zone enable to me to have a different human experience but it helped remind me that I’m exactly where I need to be.

The process of getting to know myself through this experience is an ever-changing treasure trove of discoveries. As my brain settled without the distractions of work and I had the opportunity to calm my nervous system down, I started to take note of certain patterns that kept recurring in my life. Patterns of self-hatred, lack of patience, control tendencies and judgement. I’m seeing that I’ve somehow been living entangled in a web of patterns. The buddhists call this your karma. It’s what you’re here to work on. The energies that you’ve picked up along the way that have hitched a ride and need to be integrated into your soul. Some of these are big themes that take lifetimes to transmute. And for the ones you’ve chosen to work with in this life experience, you have to rely on the natural ebbs and flows of the rhythm of life to get the opportunity to find the treasure. You find this treasure by changing your perspective and breaking the cycle.

At this point in my journey, I’m working through many of my themes at once, but the one that kept coming to the forefront recently was impatience.

I’ve definitely been struggling. I’ve been feeling like I’m trudging through snow, waiting for the next “chapter” of my life to begin. The chapter that entails us finally buying our camper and setting off on a cross country national park tour. Being back home has been wonderful in so many ways, but it’s also been a time of eager anticipation and impatience. I found myself having weird dreams and holding a lot of anxiety when there was nothing actually happening for me to be anxious about. My head was living in all the future potential scenarios (good and bad) that awaited me and I was antsy.

I had to pause and figure out why I was having these feelings. How long have I been an impatient person? As I started to contemplate this wonderful shadow, I realized it’s been with me for a long time. Definitely since I was at least 8 or 9. I’ve always wanted things done quickly and for life to get going and hurry itself up.

If one believes that a lesson will keep showing up until the lesson has been learnt, then one must also assume that when you feel stuck it might mean that you still haven’t learnt what you are meant to learn. And how do you learn the lesson? It’s all about a perspective change. It’s looking at the things that you may perceive as negative and asking yourself “what is the positive theme that is occurring” or “what am I meant to learn?”. The second you bring it to your awareness through the art of contemplation and pausing, you’ll eventually start to feel that the knot is coming undone. This has been my experience with impatience these past few weeks. As I’ve brought awareness to it, noticing that I’m always waiting for the next thing and in doing that, I am completely missing what’s happening in front of me.  I’ve come to see that I’m “wishing” my life away.

All I had to do was pay attention to what was happening in that moment. I found a gem that was teaching me that I was missing the joys of being present, of being patient. The cozy home we’re staying in, the snow surrounding us, the amazing family time, the expansion of my skillsets, the spiritual downtime, and the yummy food. All things that all of a sudden I realized I would look back one day and miss. There is a natural ebb and flow to life, an undercurrent, a rhythm. The second I surrender myself to that and observe the season - is it a season of play, a season of work, a season of rest etc. - then I no longer feel the need to consistently get to the next thing. I was in a season of rest and instead of feeling impatient for the future, I needed to look in front of me or else I’d miss it.

The second I brought awareness to the fact that this was the lesson I was meant to learn, is the moment things started to feel lighter. I started to catch myself in those moments where I’d feel a wave of impatience wash over me and I forced myself to pause. Those moments when I would be shaking my leg, or playing with my hair, or biting my nails were all moments where I was stuck in a pattern of impatience about the future.

Contemplations:

🧿 Are you stuck in any recurring patterns or themes that have been present your whole life?
🧿 How can you change your perspective on something you had perceived as “negative”?
🧿 Looking back, what are some hidden gems that have come out of your past struggles?

Wanderlust Gems 🏞️

Inspiring humans, art, history, nature, adventures and new discoveries 🚀 

It’s funny that my form of “relaxing” is actually buying a camper. We did it!! After almost a year of planning and sketching out our roadtrip, we finally bought a camper.

Oh boy.

Let me tell you, the amount of things I thought I knew about owning a camper was actually 0.1% of what there was to learn. I have been in a deep hole of YouTube videos, Facebook forums, and frantic calls to our ONE camper friend for advice.

But we’re here. We’re ready, We’re finally setting off tomorrow. And I’m so lucky and blessed to have had these 3 weeks of downtime to build a strong foundation for what’s to come next. Here’s a picture of our beauty ready to go.

High Resonance ✨ 

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